It's pronounced kay-lee. Before you ask.
This was the Comedy Society's first gig. We decided that we didn't have enough time to rehearse sketches, so we went for four stand up routines. We would be on in the interval. Let me explain.
A ceilidh is a sort of Scottish barn dance, if you want to call it that. It is great to do, so I recommend it if you ever have the chance. Sweaty work too. A society for UNICEF was hosting this and invited us to do some stand up for it, mainly due to the fact that the President and stuff has friends in other societies. I think it was a personal favour and a good one. Whatever.
We would go on in the interval, when the ceilidh band has a rest. This does not go to plan, but skip to a future paragraph for that.
We had four stand ups, one didn't go to the final rehearsal so he was dropped and we brought in a new person from the Committee. I believe that mine and someone else's routine was of any decent quality, he would host and I would be on penultimately. Is that a word? Nobody cares. The other two were horrific. One had some good idea, like jokes that only robots would get, but the delivery needed to be different for it to work. There were also generic jokes about adverts, which everybody seems to do. Get over it.
I lied about the other. It's worse than horrific. It doesn't even try to be funny and it's the same type of joke over and over. Here's the template:
(ENTER SITUATION)
(SONG THAT SOUNDS SIMILAR TO SITUATION)
Example:
Having a sex change.
SONG: Man, I feel like a woman.
Fuck off.
This went on for three minutes and forty-two seconds. I was supposed to be five minutes, but I wasn't complaining. It was repetitive shit. Horrible. I mentioned that it needed improving but they said it would be fine as the audience would be more receptive. Bullshit they would. It's generic, it doesn't need a specific audience, it's just awful. The only one that had any merit was a joke about religion and Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'", but that lost all merit once he tried to get the audience to sing along. You are not a Z-List celebrity at Butlins, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
Infuriating.
Whatever. We got there and realised we would be on a lot earlier than expected, before the Ceilidh began as the fiddle player was going to be late. It turned out to be a better time slot, but we were bricking it after that. Surprised us and the audience would not be as drunk as they could be. Interesting.
It went badly, laughs were few and far between, despite some decent jokes being told. Our delivery was not confident for some reason and we were not taking advantage of the microphone by standing too far back. I had to take the reigns. And the music jokes went as well as I thought they did, more or less forced people to commit suicide.
I went on. I was nervous until I was in front of the microphone and then I felt a strange calm. I started grinning and told some jokes. I was also weraing a leather jacket. Can't go wrong.
(MATERIAL CENSORED AS YOU'LL ALL STEAL IT)
It went...well, I think. I don't want to think it was good and get ahead of myself, but yno, people laughed. There was a joke about kiddie porn that stunned, so in the future, that's out of the set. Apart from that, I think that it went well. I honestly do, people came up to me and said that it was a good set. People I had never met before. That's a sign. Of a good set or of sympathy, I do not know right now.
Ceilidh dancing. Boom boom boom.
Reporter from the University newspaper wanted an interview (he interviewed all of us that went up). Fairly straightforward, but there was a cheeky question about if I thought that my set was the best. It obviously was (feeling arrogant now), but I held the party line and said that maybe others had jokes for different audiences, took well to me, but it might not happen again. Bla. Very liberal, but I think the right thing to do.
Good night. If only my mates didn't take me to a shittier club afterwards, it could have been a great night.
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