Funnukah

Let me explain the awful pun. It's the name for the Aberdeen Comedy Society's Christmas Show or Funnukah. Stupid, but acceptable. I think it's reasonably funny due to its stupidity. This view was not shared by the Script Monkey.

During the crisis committee meeting after his official objection to the title, he brought out a three page long prepared statement, in which he:

• Said he wanted to change the name
• Asked us if we knew what we were doing
  
• Compared the name Funnukah to the persecution of Jews in 1930s Europe
• Brought the modern example of 9/11 to the table
  
• Hoped we would take him seriously

We didn't. Fuck off.

He was ignored and we carried on to the other problems.

This was booked only two weeks in advance and would cost us £60 to hire for the night and get a sound guy and everything. Very fair price. We would need to sell 30 tickets in advance to break even or 20 on the night or a mix. Seems simple, eh? Hmmm. Our Publicity Manager went AWOL and we had no posters and no advertising. Not so simple.

Let's go through the night, shall we?

INTRO: Couple of lines. Did its job. We found out that there was a heckler.

1st stand up: Guy we know who has done more gigs than us. Knows how to work a crowd as he actually MCs on occasion. Decent.

Headmaster Monologue: Died on its arse. Was absolutely unfunny, even though he said it was funny when he last performed it on Sunday. I wasn't there, but now I know it was a barefaced lie. Absolute shit.

Romeo and Marjory: The joke was copyright, therefore Marjory was Juliet. THIN. SO FUCKING THIN. Overactor and someone who cannot remember their lines was there, didn't fulfill potential. Someone rants. Absolute mediocrity.

Suicide note: Suicide note with a funny ending, nobody thought so. I came on as a doctor, which I ad libbed and got a pity laugh. Mainly for a running joke, which in the end, wasn't followed through. Absolute waste.

Priest: Creepy fucking priest. Got a laugh. I thought it was too obvious, but the voice did it all. Whatever.

Day at RGU: Written by me and it took the piss out of the polytechnic university in Aberdeen. Very cheap but it got several laughs, which meant that everybody decided to use the university as a punchline for their acts, which made it unbearable. I have no idea what I have created.

Stand up by the Intro Guy: Very good, probably the best of the lot.

Stand up by Priest Guy: No. Said he would lower the tone when he didn't, it was fucking bollocks. Lipstick on the hand for masterbation? I think I heard that from a Christmas cracker, you fuck.

INTERVAL (Thank Christ)

News Report: Me and I am fucking amazing and topical. I need to work on my delivery though.

Scottish Golf Commentators: Best sketch of the night, clearly worked on. Very, very good. Will probably ask for it to be rehashed when we have a bigger audience.

My stand up: Was good, shot down the heckler also. Lovely.

Documentaries: Basically, funny documentaries. Hit-and-miss.

Valkyrie sketch: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THIS?! Some guy dies playing Xbox so goes to Valhalla as he died in battle. No punchline. No set-up. Absolutely crap.

Next stand up: I've talked about him before. He did the music crap again. Like a fucking tool. Couldn't shoot down the heckler. "My penis is bigger than yours". Only people with miniscule dicks say that.

THEN THERE WAS A LOT OF DRAG WHICH I DIDN'T GET.

We didn't break even. I may go cry.