It is summer and I am not at university for a while.
Welcome to the revival of the Holiblog:
http://blogblogblogholidayblog.blogspot.com/
It's quite good so far and I will be writing on this one again. If I talked about you in the 16 posts from last year, get over it.
Saturday, 18 June 2011
Plagiarism
The worst comedic offence (probably) is plagiarism. When you tell a joke that has not been written for you, by you or anyone else, it is stealing. Especially is you are getting paid at gigs, when somebody else is trying to get paid for them as well. I do not get paid, however, I have committed plagiarism, accidentally and intentionally.
Let me explain.
First: the accidental. There is small bit in my short set that briefly covers sexism (vaguely, I am not George Carlin or somebody who actually looks at social issues) and ends with the line, "I believe that fisting should be called uppercunting." A very nice pun, one of the puns that I am most proud of as it is filthy and quite cute at the same time. I came up with it after talking to my friend about boxing, a sport he is very much into. However, this line has been used by one of my favourite comedians, Bo Burnham, in his Words Words Words show and album. I was not aware of this, but it was brought to my attention after sending a clip of myself "performing" to get an open spot.
This is devastating. Some may argue that I have a right to that joke as I came up with it as well. Not many will argue that, I'm guessing. I don't even back that point, he's a world known comedian at my age, even younger, I think. Whether I came up with it or not, if I say it and then somebody hears Burnham saying it, then it will look stolen, no matter the circumstances. As I'm just starting, this would leave me dead and buried before I've even begun. Even though I love this joke and was one of them that made me feel that I could actually do comedy (along with some schtick about malaria), it's gone.
Now: The Intentional. I am not proud of this whatsoever, but due to my low confidence or self-esteem whatever, I used a segment by up-and-coming comedian Phil Wang in my set (occasionally, not always) to sort of get the audience into a good mood with a good joke, before I would use my material. My low confidence is no excuse, but I felt I needed it to actually do well. Eventually, it became a solid bit that I would do, which is utterly wrong and, yes, stealing.
Luckily, I have only been caught the once (via the aforementioned e-mail) and this has not completely destroyed my still minimal reputation. I say minimal, I mean non-existant. However, if I had entered a competition and performed either of these jokes, I would have been disqualified, something which would probably be highlighted on a widely read website such as Chortle.
Then, it would be quite posh pornography as I would be royally fucked.
Do not do what I have done, two readers. It's not on.
Once again, apologies to everyone ever. These jokes have been cut and I will continue aspiring to be a comedian. I'm working on a completely new five minutes, I'm back to the drawing board and it's exactly what I deserve.
I'm probably making this out to be slightly bigger than it is, considering I don't get paid, two people read this blog and nobody knows or knows how to pronounce my name.
However, it's therapy after receiving an e-mail. Hopefully, it will allow me to be a better writer and comedian.
We shall see. I'm not dead and buried yet.
Let me explain.
First: the accidental. There is small bit in my short set that briefly covers sexism (vaguely, I am not George Carlin or somebody who actually looks at social issues) and ends with the line, "I believe that fisting should be called uppercunting." A very nice pun, one of the puns that I am most proud of as it is filthy and quite cute at the same time. I came up with it after talking to my friend about boxing, a sport he is very much into. However, this line has been used by one of my favourite comedians, Bo Burnham, in his Words Words Words show and album. I was not aware of this, but it was brought to my attention after sending a clip of myself "performing" to get an open spot.
This is devastating. Some may argue that I have a right to that joke as I came up with it as well. Not many will argue that, I'm guessing. I don't even back that point, he's a world known comedian at my age, even younger, I think. Whether I came up with it or not, if I say it and then somebody hears Burnham saying it, then it will look stolen, no matter the circumstances. As I'm just starting, this would leave me dead and buried before I've even begun. Even though I love this joke and was one of them that made me feel that I could actually do comedy (along with some schtick about malaria), it's gone.
Now: The Intentional. I am not proud of this whatsoever, but due to my low confidence or self-esteem whatever, I used a segment by up-and-coming comedian Phil Wang in my set (occasionally, not always) to sort of get the audience into a good mood with a good joke, before I would use my material. My low confidence is no excuse, but I felt I needed it to actually do well. Eventually, it became a solid bit that I would do, which is utterly wrong and, yes, stealing.
Luckily, I have only been caught the once (via the aforementioned e-mail) and this has not completely destroyed my still minimal reputation. I say minimal, I mean non-existant. However, if I had entered a competition and performed either of these jokes, I would have been disqualified, something which would probably be highlighted on a widely read website such as Chortle.
Then, it would be quite posh pornography as I would be royally fucked.
Do not do what I have done, two readers. It's not on.
Once again, apologies to everyone ever. These jokes have been cut and I will continue aspiring to be a comedian. I'm working on a completely new five minutes, I'm back to the drawing board and it's exactly what I deserve.
I'm probably making this out to be slightly bigger than it is, considering I don't get paid, two people read this blog and nobody knows or knows how to pronounce my name.
However, it's therapy after receiving an e-mail. Hopefully, it will allow me to be a better writer and comedian.
We shall see. I'm not dead and buried yet.
Monday, 6 June 2011
The Last Night
The Last Night. What was supposed to be that anyway. The night we all come together and celebrate a year gone by, with some people actually leaving for a while. They didn't drop out, just got a year abroad. Same thing, I know.
All this celebration was the plan, there was even a goodbye video for somebody leaving. It was going to be great.
Well, the best laid plans of rice and wrens often go awry.
Quite a few exams finished today so most likely people were going to go overboard. Go into excess after a long few hours of revising before a multiple choice exam. I was merely having three showers before 6pm as the heat was devestating for somebody as overweight and uncomfortable as me. It must be the gravity, it's unbearable.
Anyway, people were going to the local shitty, cheap pub before heading out into town and the plan was to show the Goodbye DVD there. Unfortunately, I couldn't make it, as I had to turn up to an Arts Societies gig to raise money for some Estonia thing. As I have learned on several occasions, these shows go on for far too long and have very little quality control. Extremely little. Not even within the societies is there any control. The Creative Writing Society is the biggest example of prentious tripe filled with "realistic" dialogue, also known as "shit" dialogue.
The best poem I have ever heard was also presented again which starts with the line, "I fucking love my grandmother, I fucking do."
Enticing.
There were many acts. The improv fell dead on their arse just as we were about to ask them for lessons on how to improvise. The Dancing Society and the Beatboxing Society were relatively good, had some skill. Better than the Creative Writing or the Improv. I noticed that the Arab House Society has failed to show up, despite beating Comedy Society to "Best New Society" at the Societies Ball. Scared to show their faces as they know I will rip their spies out from their belly button.
Or they weren't invited.
We went on far too late in the night, reception was not the best. I carried on drinking.
Eventually, I called the party people that I knew and wondered where they were in town. It was past eleven o'clock, they had to be in town for any chance of them getting to a club on time. Called up and most of them were still at the pub as the "Guest of Honour" or "The One Who's Leaving" had decided to cry and pass out after the video and a dirty pint. Selfish really. Then, there were revelations as some had indeed gone into town and only a small group had stayed behind.
Bazinga.
After rejecting friendship, I went in search of those I knew less well, but were in town. Therefore, friends. They were outside a bar nearby, but were due to be leaving soon. I walked very briskly to get there. I didn't run, can't pull it off stylishly. No way. Got to the Gothic-themed bar where everyone within a relationship was doing their best to end by fighting about something. I didn't really pay attention, it was neither my business nor interesting. Two cocktails downed, not that I had the money for them. Onto the generic club, Liquid.
I don't remember much else, except that Smirnoff Ice was very cheap that night and it was shit.
Happy New Semester or whatever.
Yeah, I lost effort midway through again. Habit.
All this celebration was the plan, there was even a goodbye video for somebody leaving. It was going to be great.
Well, the best laid plans of rice and wrens often go awry.
Quite a few exams finished today so most likely people were going to go overboard. Go into excess after a long few hours of revising before a multiple choice exam. I was merely having three showers before 6pm as the heat was devestating for somebody as overweight and uncomfortable as me. It must be the gravity, it's unbearable.
Anyway, people were going to the local shitty, cheap pub before heading out into town and the plan was to show the Goodbye DVD there. Unfortunately, I couldn't make it, as I had to turn up to an Arts Societies gig to raise money for some Estonia thing. As I have learned on several occasions, these shows go on for far too long and have very little quality control. Extremely little. Not even within the societies is there any control. The Creative Writing Society is the biggest example of prentious tripe filled with "realistic" dialogue, also known as "shit" dialogue.
The best poem I have ever heard was also presented again which starts with the line, "I fucking love my grandmother, I fucking do."
Enticing.
There were many acts. The improv fell dead on their arse just as we were about to ask them for lessons on how to improvise. The Dancing Society and the Beatboxing Society were relatively good, had some skill. Better than the Creative Writing or the Improv. I noticed that the Arab House Society has failed to show up, despite beating Comedy Society to "Best New Society" at the Societies Ball. Scared to show their faces as they know I will rip their spies out from their belly button.
Or they weren't invited.
We went on far too late in the night, reception was not the best. I carried on drinking.
Eventually, I called the party people that I knew and wondered where they were in town. It was past eleven o'clock, they had to be in town for any chance of them getting to a club on time. Called up and most of them were still at the pub as the "Guest of Honour" or "The One Who's Leaving" had decided to cry and pass out after the video and a dirty pint. Selfish really. Then, there were revelations as some had indeed gone into town and only a small group had stayed behind.
Bazinga.
After rejecting friendship, I went in search of those I knew less well, but were in town. Therefore, friends. They were outside a bar nearby, but were due to be leaving soon. I walked very briskly to get there. I didn't run, can't pull it off stylishly. No way. Got to the Gothic-themed bar where everyone within a relationship was doing their best to end by fighting about something. I didn't really pay attention, it was neither my business nor interesting. Two cocktails downed, not that I had the money for them. Onto the generic club, Liquid.
I don't remember much else, except that Smirnoff Ice was very cheap that night and it was shit.
Happy New Semester or whatever.
Yeah, I lost effort midway through again. Habit.
Thursday, 2 June 2011
Becoming a Leader
Due to nobody else running, I am now the President of the Aberdeen University Comedy Society.
Wow. This is something for the CV or something more sentimental. Some sort of scrapbook.
Well, I put my name forward for the Presidency and nobody else did. At a lucklustre trial AGM (Annual General Meeting), we checked for any objections, of which there were none. Good to see I've stricken the fear of God into them. A decent vice and treasurer were also elected, both unchallenged as well. Damn, we have some apathetic people in the world.
A lot more responsibility, but nobody has told me what they are. I'm left in the dark. Everything seems to be passed on by word of mouth. Incredibly strange. We need to book a stall for Freshers' Week, but nobody has given me anything. Need to book a room for next year. Been told nothing. I must overcome this.
Inspiring.
More updates as they come. This was just for me to brag.
Wow. This is something for the CV or something more sentimental. Some sort of scrapbook.
Well, I put my name forward for the Presidency and nobody else did. At a lucklustre trial AGM (Annual General Meeting), we checked for any objections, of which there were none. Good to see I've stricken the fear of God into them. A decent vice and treasurer were also elected, both unchallenged as well. Damn, we have some apathetic people in the world.
A lot more responsibility, but nobody has told me what they are. I'm left in the dark. Everything seems to be passed on by word of mouth. Incredibly strange. We need to book a stall for Freshers' Week, but nobody has given me anything. Need to book a room for next year. Been told nothing. I must overcome this.
Inspiring.
More updates as they come. This was just for me to brag.
Thursday, 28 April 2011
Monday, 11 April 2011
Manchester
This blog has slightly evolved. Maybe not evolved, but taken a slight sideways step into something different. I intended it to be about university life, something I still intend, but it has now turned into a sort of comedy memoir. Up there with the memoirs of Nixon or that other guy. Important like those ones.
SPEAKING OF COMEDY, I recently did a gig in Manchester. I say recently, the end of February. I wanted to do this gig as the Frog and Bucket in Manchester is a fairly big deal, they have proper comedians that have been on the telly and that. I read various articles about comedians travelling and how it's all part of the game and everything. I could do that. Aberdeen to Manchester is not that far. A bit too far to take the train I had booked, but not far. I took the Megabus down the day before. Another insanity inducing experience. My friend stays in Manchester and agreed to let me stay over and everything. Perfectly fine.
WRONG.
The Megabus left Aberdeen at 7am, which meant I left the flat at 5:30, because I always think I'll be late unless I leave ridiculously early. Enough time for me to become complacent and still not be late. Correct, I fight my ego whilst planning travel. We travelled to Dundee and the driver said it's alright to get off and stretch your legs. I pondered whether to leave my bag on, but I decided to avoid it getting stolen and took it with me. Get back on the coach and my window seat with perfect distance to the toilet has been taken. I walk to another seat and make sure I shoulder barge him on the way, he knew I had that seat as he got on in Aberdeen also. He was also twice as big as me. He got off at Preston, thank fuck.
Preston looks a right shithole as well, just to let you know.
Got off in Manchester, couldn't find my bag in the hold. I call it a hold because it's not really a boot. Eventually found it after panicking and thinking it was stolen. Foreboding here. I met my friend, who had bright, perhaps electric, blue hair. He said he was going to redye it his original colour as it may be easy to point out in security footage. Amateur mistake to be honest. Maybe I shouldn't be talking about this.
Went to a student occupation at Manchester University where my friend is a key player in, maybe. He could have been bragging or I assumed it. Memory is better when it's multiple choice. Explored tunnels behind lecture halls and all that. Was pretty cool. Got some booze in and watched Dr. Strangelove. I fell asleep and snored. Whatever, not apologising, I cannot control it. Snored during the night in the lecture hall as well. Still not sorry.
Explored Manchester the next day, mainly Starbucks around the town. Tried to find an internet cafe to get some money into my account. Didn't manage. Wrote my setlist for the night and settled into some frozen fruit juice thingy that was fairly average. Chocolate chip shortbread is disgusting as well. They just failed at making shortbread. Sacrilage.
Let's get to the gig, shall we? Yes. It was at the Frog and Bucket, which holds about 300 people. I didn't know this. I started to wonder if I was actually any good, and this was after a cracking gig at Snafu in Aberdeen. The MC was a Simon Pegg lookalike and very funny, though he was helped by an incredibly camp man in the front row. With a man bag. The professional circuit comics did their best, but the crowd seemed unresponsive. It was alright. The crowd were fairly warmed up. Now let's get to the competition.
The audience members get three cards. If all three cards are put up during the open spot's five minutes, they have to leave and Beck's Loser plays. Sounds simple enough. It was made to be. Let's discuss my rivals, shall we?
Went back to my friend's flat to sleep in there for that night with my bags still in the lecture hall. Used the internet for a bit, which was nice and slept heavily. My friend arrived in the morning with my bags, yet my laptop was missing. FUCK.
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK.
This was big, we went back to the lecture place to look for it, but it was not found and I couldn't check parts of it because there were actual lectures going on. And I had a train to catch, so there was no time. It was nicked or I was an idiot and fucking left it somewhere. Ergh. This ruined the whole thing. Ergh.
Train home. Cried mentally.
Would prefer to go to Preston that Manchester ever again. Fuck, I'll live there if that's the cost. Roughly £400 for a new laptop plus Preston plus a good gig.
I'll get over it.
SPEAKING OF COMEDY, I recently did a gig in Manchester. I say recently, the end of February. I wanted to do this gig as the Frog and Bucket in Manchester is a fairly big deal, they have proper comedians that have been on the telly and that. I read various articles about comedians travelling and how it's all part of the game and everything. I could do that. Aberdeen to Manchester is not that far. A bit too far to take the train I had booked, but not far. I took the Megabus down the day before. Another insanity inducing experience. My friend stays in Manchester and agreed to let me stay over and everything. Perfectly fine.
WRONG.
The Megabus left Aberdeen at 7am, which meant I left the flat at 5:30, because I always think I'll be late unless I leave ridiculously early. Enough time for me to become complacent and still not be late. Correct, I fight my ego whilst planning travel. We travelled to Dundee and the driver said it's alright to get off and stretch your legs. I pondered whether to leave my bag on, but I decided to avoid it getting stolen and took it with me. Get back on the coach and my window seat with perfect distance to the toilet has been taken. I walk to another seat and make sure I shoulder barge him on the way, he knew I had that seat as he got on in Aberdeen also. He was also twice as big as me. He got off at Preston, thank fuck.
Preston looks a right shithole as well, just to let you know.
Got off in Manchester, couldn't find my bag in the hold. I call it a hold because it's not really a boot. Eventually found it after panicking and thinking it was stolen. Foreboding here. I met my friend, who had bright, perhaps electric, blue hair. He said he was going to redye it his original colour as it may be easy to point out in security footage. Amateur mistake to be honest. Maybe I shouldn't be talking about this.
Went to a student occupation at Manchester University where my friend is a key player in, maybe. He could have been bragging or I assumed it. Memory is better when it's multiple choice. Explored tunnels behind lecture halls and all that. Was pretty cool. Got some booze in and watched Dr. Strangelove. I fell asleep and snored. Whatever, not apologising, I cannot control it. Snored during the night in the lecture hall as well. Still not sorry.
Explored Manchester the next day, mainly Starbucks around the town. Tried to find an internet cafe to get some money into my account. Didn't manage. Wrote my setlist for the night and settled into some frozen fruit juice thingy that was fairly average. Chocolate chip shortbread is disgusting as well. They just failed at making shortbread. Sacrilage.
Let's get to the gig, shall we? Yes. It was at the Frog and Bucket, which holds about 300 people. I didn't know this. I started to wonder if I was actually any good, and this was after a cracking gig at Snafu in Aberdeen. The MC was a Simon Pegg lookalike and very funny, though he was helped by an incredibly camp man in the front row. With a man bag. The professional circuit comics did their best, but the crowd seemed unresponsive. It was alright. The crowd were fairly warmed up. Now let's get to the competition.
The audience members get three cards. If all three cards are put up during the open spot's five minutes, they have to leave and Beck's Loser plays. Sounds simple enough. It was made to be. Let's discuss my rivals, shall we?
- First up was a tattooed (?) man who talked about some TV show where they go into maternity wards. It was fairly well observed, yet at times simply described the show. He was confident enough. Lasted the five minutes.
- Next was a woman who talked all about sweatshops, I think in one liners, but I had either heard some of them before or were just predictable. It also faded towards the end, yet she had a weird delivery that seemed to take her through. Lasted the five minutes.
- Just before me was a guy that dressed weird and talked about how he dressed weird. He was a regular open spot and had done the same set for the last three years I heard. If you do the same set for three years and are not getting paid yet, the set is shit. It got laughs though, despite his obsession with describing himself. Lasted the five minutes.
Went back to my friend's flat to sleep in there for that night with my bags still in the lecture hall. Used the internet for a bit, which was nice and slept heavily. My friend arrived in the morning with my bags, yet my laptop was missing. FUCK.
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK.
This was big, we went back to the lecture place to look for it, but it was not found and I couldn't check parts of it because there were actual lectures going on. And I had a train to catch, so there was no time. It was nicked or I was an idiot and fucking left it somewhere. Ergh. This ruined the whole thing. Ergh.
Train home. Cried mentally.
Would prefer to go to Preston that Manchester ever again. Fuck, I'll live there if that's the cost. Roughly £400 for a new laptop plus Preston plus a good gig.
I'll get over it.
The Huge Gap
It has been a while. A very long while. Not one of those average whiles.
Several reasons for this:
At this current time (roughly), I am on my "Easter" break, which ends before Easter, so I can get back to freezing Aberdeen. According to rumours, the weather is actually very nice there now. This does not bode well for me, as I do not get along with the heat or the sun. I mean the police and the newspaper, of course. Dry.
Back in London, as I constantly mentioned on my Facebook, I wondered what to do with my lack of funds. I received £30 of delayed birthday money. Unfortunately, this was spent mostly on a Mother's Day gift plus card, neither of which excited my mother that much. I'm a bad gift buyer, I have no regrets.
There was also a gig for me in Camden. The room was only slightly bigger than my living room and the crowd was mainly there for one act, a woman I think. Both female acts mentioned periods, big surprise. That is something that they've got to bring something new to. The amount of times I hear "Periods are awkward...especially if you're a man!"
Go fuck yourself.
The comedians were a mix of good and bad, the MC being energetic enough to keep the crowd engaged. My jokes seemed to get a shocked reaction, which is fairly disappointing as it seems after every gig I have to tone it down, just to tone it down further after the next gig. It's 2011, are abortions really that shocking? This isn't the Bible belt. It's Camden, there was probably a clinic round the corner in someone's dining room. And Princess Diana...what is the big deal?!
Maybe I'm the one in the wrong, if so, please let me know. Preferrably after watching one of my gigs or a clip (if I ever get one up).
Reading. Barely done any of it. I love reading, genuinely, but some of the book from the period of whatever are just dull. Robinson Crusoe is a struggle. Have you read it? It's detail packed upon detail and the dick hasn't even crashed yet. Apparently, he eventually finds a lime. I heard that, i hope it's a metaphor for something, because that's all I know about the book. His father hates him or something. There are other books that I need to buy first as well. Bugger. Gulliver's Travels? More like Gulliver's Rubbish!!!
Give me a break. It's hot.
Lent is not working. I gave up alcohol and go for days without it, but eventually cave in and drink. Maybe I am actually an alcoholic. I'll keep you posted. Or hammered.
This is extremely unfunny. Apologies.
Several reasons for this:
- Increasing amount of reading
- Deadlines
- Laptop getting stolen/lost
At this current time (roughly), I am on my "Easter" break, which ends before Easter, so I can get back to freezing Aberdeen. According to rumours, the weather is actually very nice there now. This does not bode well for me, as I do not get along with the heat or the sun. I mean the police and the newspaper, of course. Dry.
Back in London, as I constantly mentioned on my Facebook, I wondered what to do with my lack of funds. I received £30 of delayed birthday money. Unfortunately, this was spent mostly on a Mother's Day gift plus card, neither of which excited my mother that much. I'm a bad gift buyer, I have no regrets.
There was also a gig for me in Camden. The room was only slightly bigger than my living room and the crowd was mainly there for one act, a woman I think. Both female acts mentioned periods, big surprise. That is something that they've got to bring something new to. The amount of times I hear "Periods are awkward...especially if you're a man!"
Go fuck yourself.
The comedians were a mix of good and bad, the MC being energetic enough to keep the crowd engaged. My jokes seemed to get a shocked reaction, which is fairly disappointing as it seems after every gig I have to tone it down, just to tone it down further after the next gig. It's 2011, are abortions really that shocking? This isn't the Bible belt. It's Camden, there was probably a clinic round the corner in someone's dining room. And Princess Diana...what is the big deal?!
Maybe I'm the one in the wrong, if so, please let me know. Preferrably after watching one of my gigs or a clip (if I ever get one up).
Reading. Barely done any of it. I love reading, genuinely, but some of the book from the period of whatever are just dull. Robinson Crusoe is a struggle. Have you read it? It's detail packed upon detail and the dick hasn't even crashed yet. Apparently, he eventually finds a lime. I heard that, i hope it's a metaphor for something, because that's all I know about the book. His father hates him or something. There are other books that I need to buy first as well. Bugger. Gulliver's Travels? More like Gulliver's Rubbish!!!
Give me a break. It's hot.
Lent is not working. I gave up alcohol and go for days without it, but eventually cave in and drink. Maybe I am actually an alcoholic. I'll keep you posted. Or hammered.
This is extremely unfunny. Apologies.
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