Plagiarism

The worst comedic offence (probably) is plagiarism. When you tell a joke that has not been written for you, by you or anyone else, it is stealing. Especially is you are getting paid at gigs, when somebody else is trying to get paid for them as well. I do not get paid, however, I have committed plagiarism, accidentally and intentionally.

Let me explain.

First: the accidental. There is small bit in my short set that briefly covers sexism (vaguely, I am not George Carlin or somebody who actually looks at social issues) and ends with the line, "I believe that fisting should be called uppercunting." A very nice pun, one of the puns that I am most proud of as it is filthy and quite cute at the same time. I came up with it after talking to my friend about boxing, a sport he is very much into. However, this line has been used by one of my favourite comedians, Bo Burnham, in his Words Words Words show and album. I was not aware of this, but it was brought to my attention after sending a clip of myself "performing" to get an open spot.

This is devastating. Some may argue that I have a right to that joke as I came up with it as well. Not many will argue that, I'm guessing. I don't even back that point, he's a world known comedian at my age, even younger, I think. Whether I came up with it or not, if I say it and then somebody hears Burnham saying it, then it will look stolen, no matter the circumstances. As I'm just starting, this would leave me dead and buried before I've even begun. Even though I love this joke and was one of them that made me feel that I could actually do comedy (along with some schtick about malaria), it's gone.

Now: The Intentional. I am not proud of this whatsoever, but due to my low confidence or self-esteem whatever, I used a segment by up-and-coming comedian Phil Wang in my set (occasionally, not always) to sort of get the audience into a good mood with a good joke, before I would use my material. My low confidence is no excuse, but I felt I needed it to actually do well. Eventually, it became a solid bit that I would do, which is utterly wrong and, yes, stealing.

Luckily, I have only been caught the once (via the aforementioned e-mail) and this has not completely destroyed my still minimal reputation. I say minimal, I mean non-existant. However, if I had entered a competition and performed either of these jokes, I would have been disqualified, something which would probably be highlighted on a widely read website such as Chortle.

Then, it would be quite posh pornography as I would be royally fucked.

Do not do what I have done, two readers. It's not on.

Once again, apologies to everyone ever. These jokes have been cut and I will continue aspiring to be a comedian. I'm working on a completely new five minutes, I'm back to the drawing board and it's exactly what I deserve.

I'm probably making this out to be slightly bigger than it is, considering I don't get paid, two people read this blog and nobody knows or knows how to pronounce my name.

However, it's therapy after receiving an e-mail. Hopefully, it will allow me to be a better writer and comedian.

We shall see. I'm not dead and buried yet.