Topical News Story - Snow

I was going to write about the University Funding crises that's going around, but I am in no way near informed enough as of this moment. So that's going on the back burner for a while, until I catch up on the Times, the Guardian, METRO, etc.

Instead, I'll rant about snow. It is such a menace after all. Taking all our grit. Last year, half of the news coverage around the UK was taken up by the "grit shortage of 2009/10". It was mass panic, people scared out of their minds that this brown salt would run out before THEIR driveway was cleared of all snow each and every morning. Yes, hope that doesn't happen again, no matter how hilarious it is.

Well, there's snow here in Aberdeen. Not loads, but enough to annoy me and like all wet footed idiots before me, I thought I could brave it out with just trainers. Wrong. I tried some simple boots. Wrong. I need big, industrial, Soviet boots. If I kicked someone with these boots, their ancient Viking ancestors would feel it in Valhalla. That's a topical reference for those over 1200 years old.

I actually became aware of the snow 10 hours later than anybody else. I was incredibly hungover and missed the barrage of "I LUV SNO" on Facebook. I thought Evander Sno had made a glorious comeback (obscure reference), but no, it was the white, slightly wet muck that plagues roads and that. I do not know what LUV is, except that it sells on many teddy bears. It also reveals that the only people that love snow that much have barely seen it outside of Home Alone. The powdery white form is lovely and that crunch under your feet is timeless. However, that is now always the case as there are two other forms.

First, is the grey sludge that eventually starts next to roads but expands its horizons to everywhere. People walking on it, the general shittiness of the air, GRIT(shortage) and so forth turn it into this grey sludge. Which slpashes and gets everywhere. I no longer have dry jeans and I'm not fucking going out in shorts. I do not wish to subvert the genre of winter clothing. This isn't the Apprentice (that's a topical reference, if maybe not a good one).

The other form is just ice.
"Ice isn't snow."
Fuck off.

It's a pain in the arse, especially when you fall over. Ha. Slippery and that. Hurts. Whatever. HATE IT.

Well, this entire thing could have been written by a whiney child. No matter. I think I made my point and that snow will be eventually BANNED. Thank you and good night.